I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
