i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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