he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
