hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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