I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
