while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
