I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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