YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
