K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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