i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
