I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He better not be in your backpack
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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