I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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