worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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