I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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