Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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