We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
