I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
