I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
either way he was missing a nipple.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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