i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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