I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
