i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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