I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
as a side note pls kill me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
