Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I supernannyed him into submission
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
