Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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