yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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