Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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