I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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