my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
