i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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