I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
