roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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