i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
