I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
