Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize