She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
