My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
