96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
