literally had 100 drinks last night.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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