In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
