girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
