Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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