I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
