plz talk dirty to me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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