i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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