Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
