My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
