Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
