Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
no, he came in my armpit
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
