Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
