Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Let's paint friendship bongs
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
