i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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