I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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