wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
