i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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