Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
