That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
