can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
