swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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