Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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