I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
