Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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