we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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