I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
