I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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