Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize