Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
