sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
