Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
