I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
