i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
