I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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