I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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