Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
