pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize