Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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