And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
