u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize