Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
