(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
