Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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