I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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