The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
