Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
