The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
