I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's shark week go big or go home
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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