my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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