i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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