and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
