the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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