Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
