Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
