We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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