fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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