its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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