It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
