oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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