Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
