u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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