if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize