How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
