Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
