I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
