My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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