everyone is single if you try hard enough
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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