the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
