This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
