You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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