We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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