just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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