come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
